…and they suck.

The Death of High Fidelity : Rolling Stone

Travelling roughly in a south-west to north-east trajectory…

India - Jolee Abraham - Mary’s Boy Child

By the time this song is over, you’ll have your right hand lifted imploringly too.

Malaysia - Lavende Chong Xuin Ee - Jingle Bells

Not a bad fiddle player, but her dance moves need a bit of work.

Vietnam - The He Tre Children - Feliz Navidad

Disturbingly saccharine music, but helpful karaoke lyrics display so we can all sing along.

Philippines - Namamasko?

I have no idea what this is, but more helpful karaoke lyrics means I can sing along anyway!

China - Unknown Old Man - Jingle Bells

The upside to a globalized economy is random hilarity.

Korea - Class of Kids - Feliz Navidad

A second rendition of this classic, done in the original Spanish.

Japan - Rainbow Pink - Happy Pink Christmas

I really have no words for this.

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Your holiday season isn’t complete without shrill histrionics by everyone’s favourite nutjob.

Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time

The worst synths of all time.

Chris Brown - This Christmas

Chris Brown showcases his electrical super-powers by turning on lights in a neighbourhood devoid of snow, and peeps into windows (which ordinarily would get him arrested, and because he’s young and black, shot). It’s a Christmas miracle!

BAND AID - Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Awesome haircuts + confusingly racist lyrical references = WIN! Thank God it’s them instead of you.

Savage Garden - This Christmas

He’s singing in space. And in space… no one can hear you scream.

Las Vegas and Celine Dion just broke up.

I’ll give you a second to let that sink in.

Yes, it’s true. Celine’s Las Vegas show is no more. After five whole years of sub-mediocrity, the Titanic has sunk (and presumably taken it’s 3rd class cargo with it).

Dion is quoted as saying her family will always come before her music. Apparently she has a 6 year-old son and what appears to be an ailing grandfather that she must take care of alone, despite having 13 siblings. The cynic in me would’ve pointed out that if her 6 year-old son came first, she wouldn’t have started the show 5 years ago in the first place, but this is no time for cynicism. This is a time for tears.

Her publicists have assured us, however, that her heart will, indeed, go on.

(Side Note: How do you know your show in Vegas is finished? When the newspaper spends the last 3 paragraphs of it’s obituary talking about what food Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ate for dinner at a restaurant that’s located in a completely different hotel)